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Here’s an episode of Dear Moog, in response to my burning question!

http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com/2008/07/arses-other-white-meat.html

Enjoy! And thank you Midgetmanofsteel/Dear Moog for clearing up a situation that has baffled me for years.

Also, if you have time, I strongly suggest a read through his archives. Just… make sure you aren’t eating/drinking first, K?

Two more emails for your viewing “pleasure” from my aunt. Yes, the one responsible for last posts email.

First one. This is in response to an asshat man she knows. (IE, an ex-boyfriend.)

“Well… I could have responded in a mature and adult way, but it’s me. So I mooned him, and sent him an email of big penis. To his work address.I said ” Explain that one to your boss FAT ARSE.” LOLZ. Anyway, I’ll see you on Sat, and I will teach you the art of the penis email. Toodles.”

She did teach me the art of the penis email. But that is for another post.

And a second one, I don’t actually know who she said this to, but the email tickled me anyway! For the number guide, click here.

It came from her work address, so she had to censor it in a way that nobody who didn’t really know could guess, but would be clear enough for those who do to understand, and this is the result. (The way she had to write it for me, is a whole lot funnier than what she said.)

“I told him he was a 1′ing, 3′ing 6, who could go do the action suggested by 5, because he is never again seeing, or touching my 7 or my 4!”

Clear enough I think.

Happy Monday!

I just commented with this over at a family member’s LJ, and I thought it deserved it’s own post actually.

My aunt sent me this email… I copied and pasted direct from the email for my blog, it’s here unedited for your viewing “pleasure” This is what I live with. And said aunt is one of 5 sisters.

“Well, I was in town before, and I thought my boobs felt weird, so I looked down my top and, you won’t even believe this, but my boob had RODE UP outta my bra. So I’m in public and I have one boob in my bra and one out. OMG. What do I do? I turn round and try and adjust it. I gave a old man an eyeful anyway. See. I’m doing my bit for the community. saves him money on the old Viagra eh?”

And when I asked “Why didn’t you leave it?”

I got

“Have you ever had one boob in a bra and one out? It’s fucking uncomfortable. And I looked uneven. And my boobs get stared at enough without being uneven. Trust me, you’d do the same.”

See, that is my family everybody!

After my last post of… well… I’ll be honest… childish score-settling. I’ll get back to something slightly more interesting.

Saw Mamma Mia! for the second time today, and it was just as great the second time around. My favourite quote has to be from Julie Walter’s character Rosie “You wait 20 years for a dad, and then 3 come along at once!” And Dominic Cooper, who played Sky, is just absolutely, dial 999 gorgeous. Seriously… when he got his chest out, my aunt almost fainted. The songs are brilliant, and they really make the movie. For me the highlights of the soundtrack are “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme” and “Take a chance on me”. Go see this. (Unless you don’t like Abba… in which case… more than likely not for you.)

Baby language. Nothing tops it. Especially not my nephews current favourite. He’s 2, learning to speak. he sees a knife. He says “Knife.” He sees a spoon, he says “Spoon.” He sees a fork and he says “fuck.” Well… it’s basically recognisable as fork… but it sounds so much like fuck it’s hilarious. And because we unwisely laughed, everytime he sees a fork now he says it. To make us laugh. And in town yesterday, some man infront of us in the supermarket said “Oh, shit!” and Nephew micmicks, “Oh sheeet.” (Nephew has a Belgian accent… like his mama’s.) Luckily, he hasn’t repeated that one. He does have all the adorable little stuff that all 2 year olds have, “Joos? Bickwit? Blankeeet. Dummy plees.” And he has the most adorable way of saying “Salut!” He said it to a French woman on the bus, and you could see her just melt at the adorable.

His little sisters a hoot too. She’s 1, and she’s cake OBSESSED. She’s at the first word age, and I swear her first word was cake. And she plunged her entire face into a cake the other day, and I’ve never seen her smile as big. (Disclaimer… she doesn’t get to eat much cake. We feed her lots of fruit and vegetables in a cut up form, and she only gets to eat cake on big occasions. There is no need to contact social services for an obese child. She is average size.) But she loves cake. If your out with her, and you go past a bakery with a cake in the window she yells “CAKE!” Mad, mad child. But I love her.

Happy Monday everyone!

And thanks to Frogdancer for clearing up my confusion about the Australian school system. My computer has it’s knickers in a twist and won’t let me post a comment of thanks on your blog, so have some linky loving instead.

Ok… bit of background. At my old school I had a teacher I hated. Feeling was completely and utterly mutual, we hated each other on sight. You know you get those people, that you hate in life? Well. That was us. I know for a fact she hated me too, my reports confirm that *winks at Adam… he knows a couple of her… choicier insults.* And she thought I was crap at Science, chemistry in paticular.

And I know my old “mate” told her about this blog. So, I would like to present a couple of facts for your consumption Mrs X. (You know who you are.)

You said, “Kath is eager, but not at all capable at Chemistry. She would do well to forget about careers involving this as I doubt she will scrape a C overall in Science due to her chemistry grade.”

FACT. Chemistry module, AQA 2007, (At my new school, with a MUCH better teacher.) I got an A*. 49 out of 50. Best in the entire year of 200 kids.  And my Science grade is an A in yr ten, estimated A in year 11. AA. So stick that in your juice box and SUCK IT, Mrs X.

(And next time you sit on a table and break it with your fat arse? Don’t choose the one with the £500 projector on it.)

At my cousin, Hunter’s school, they have recently purchased several brand new chessboards. These chessboards are coloured red and green. Because having them coloured black and white may be offensive to people. Now, I am against rascism, and I am not racist, I have many friends of all different faiths, but come on. Who is going to be offended by a chess board in black and white. In fact, I reckon a red and green one is more offensive, because colour blind people won’t be able to tell the difference!

I stress here, it is not his school which have made the daft rule up, it was the council who control the ordering from the school, when his dad watched him playing in the chess competition and asked the question “Why?” his headteacher seemed pretty embarrased. But really, surely nobody in their right mind would actually be offended by a chessboard would they?